Sweet Baby Days

My little Kyrie is 9 months old. She has her first little tooth. She crawls by doing a worm-like motion for now, but it gets her where she wants to be. She loves to eat, especially cereal, and pears. Her favorite part of the meal is the end when I hand her the spoon. The look on her face is absolute glee. She loves to hold it, chew on it, wave it, bang it, drop it. Her friend the spoon. She just started pulling up, and she thinks she is the cat's pajamas standing up by the coffee table banging a toy against the top. But her greatest excitement comes from watching Evangeline. She loves to see Evangeline do anything, and she is elated every time Evangeline comes to kiss, hug or tickle her. I am really excited about the friendship that my girls will share in the coming years.

However, I am not ready for those coming years to come just yet. I want Kyrie to stay a baby. Forever. Well, I'm sure not forever, but I want to soak her up all day and everyday, since these sweet baby moments are going by so quickly. I LOVE these baby days!

Yes, I wish I could sleep through the night. Yes, it is really really frustrating when she cries and cries and cries and cries. and cries. Yes, her pediatrician has already told me she has an "intense personality." Yes, it is confining to make sure I am home to see that she gets her nap. And she's just so needy, ...like, like, a little baby.

But... now I know what is ahead.

A two year old.

and then a three year old.

Tantrums, rebellion, potty training, talking back, begging, negotiating. More tantrums. Shiver.

And right now, my sweet little baby is not a party to any of this. She is still my sweet little baby. She smiles and grins, and gets really, really excited to see me. And I don't want to miss a single minute. I feel almost panicked about how fleeting these minutes are, and there is a sense of desparation to hold on to each and every sweet baby second. I don't mind getting up at night, because I get to just sit and hold her and soak her up, ...almost absorb her as if that would slow down time that is moving her from being a baby to a little girl.

I've always been sentimental about growing up, even my own growing up. I never really wanted to grow up, and I'm not totally excited about my girls growing up. I never knew what I would be or even had a vision for what my life would look like as a grown up. Whenever I thought about my future as a child, it always felt like a big mystery, blank, and uncertain.

I am completely crazy about this little baby, though. I love to hold her close. When I am just sitting with her in my arms, I feel like I am really "me", the complete, best, me. Like I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing just by being her mama. I love her for that. It seems to be a fleeting feeling, that feeling of belonging, and of really walking in the works prepared for me beforehand. But my little baby knows who I am and what I am supposed to be better than I do.

Lord, please help me be the best imperfect mama I can be for my girls. Help me be what they need and who You want me to be for them. Thank you for your mercy when I am not that mom. Let me live inside that mercy forever, even when my little girls grow up. For while your mercies are new every morning, and little girls will grow up, You are the same, yesterday, today, and forever.