How I'm Doing So Far - Continued

Continuing to review my goals for the year, the next one is:


"Bible Study - be more contemplative, meditate on verses, pray more through Scripture. Possibly use the Fighter Verse set that I have to memorize more Scripture."

Well, I have stuck with the Bible reading plan on biblegateway.com.  I have been listening to my ipod, so even when I have been a little behind, that has helped me catch up.  I have tried to be more contemplative, etc., but I still have a long way to go in that area.  Using a Bible reading plan puts me at risk of just reading so that I can check off my list the reading for the day, rather than seeing my time in the Word as my number one source of nourishment and power.  I have not used the Fighter Verse set at all this year, so that will definitely go on next year's list.  I am convinced of the power of Scripture memorization, so I hope that one day that will show in how I plan my studying.

The real struggle I have had this year is that I have had no external accountability to push me to truly dig and wallow in the Truth.  This is the first year since I have been a believer that I have not been involved in a Bible study of some kind.  I chose not to participate in the women's study at our church that had stretched me the most from a studying and preparing perspective.  Due to schedule conflicts with juggling children, we are not currently in a small group Bible study as a couple and even our Sunday School teaching time has been limited this year.  And my friend Meg and I haven't been studying the Bible together as much either since she decided to grow all up on me and is now leading a group of girls on her own.  ( I still love her anyway... :)  )
All that to say: I can do better.  I want to do better.  I want to be challenged and even broken by the Lord and spending concentrated time in the Word is the best way I know to do that.  Not because it's the right thing to do or because I think God will love me more if I read His Word.  But because I need it and I need Him. Period.
Even though this hasn't been my year for studying and preparing Bible studies and meditating on Scripture, God is faithful.  He has still taken the time I have spent, and He has pressed into my heart a few truths that I need to hear.  (I hope to share some of those things here soon. )
2 Timothy 3:16-17

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God[a] may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

He can do big things with the scraps that I have - think five loaves and two fish.  So while I hope and ask you to pray that I get deeper in the Word next year, ALL of the Word is valuable and I know that He can change my heart even when I fall short of my goals.

Item one - Exercise

Getting more exercise has been on my list of goals for at least four and a half years now.  Truly, I think it makes the list of weekly goals every single week.
I think, "This Monday, I'll wake up and I'll make it happen.  This is the week."
And then Monday morning happens.  Usually one child or another wakes up thirty minutes before normal, or right as I am getting started.
And I know all of you may be able to exercise with your children.  Not me.  I try to do sit ups and my baby toddles on over to sit on top of me and bounce up and down on my stomach thinking I'm playing a game. Or just ask me every 15 seconds when I can get breakfast ready.
I'm not even setting really steep goals for myself here.  Three days a week, I would like to stretch, do abs, stretch cords and anything else I can do inside my house.  Thirty minutes a day.  Heck, I'd settle for fifteen minutes a day!  Which is really embarassing when I have had long seasons of my life working out between 20 and 30 hours a week.  I don't think I have worked out more than 20 hours in the last four years combined.  The most exercise I got last week was wrestling with Kyrie to try to clip her fingernails.
      This fall, we talked about getting a new gym membership.  I dropped the Y, because while it was great to get out and work out, I couldn't get comfortable with the childcare options there, and I ended up paying and never going.   Then I was pregnant and had a baby, and that knocked exercise out for a while.  Lots of women can stay in shape and even get in shape while pregnant.  Not me.  I was getting winded just unloading the dishwasher.  Time on an eliptical machine would have killed me. Plus, my back only caused me trouble after exercise, so working out quickly fell of the list.
     But now?  What is my excuse?  Well, the new gym opportunity would have made exercise available 24 hours a day.  But, Really?  Who goes to exercise at 2:00 a.m.?  I don't think I want to be there with those people - for so many reasons.
     You might say, "Go before your kids are awake."  And I would tell you that first of all I made myself a promise every morning from highschool through college that I would never make myself work out at 5:30 in the morning again once it was in my power to avoid it.  On top of that, our garage is right beneath my daughter's bedroom.  If she hears it while she is in bed and thinks I'm leaving, she gets up and runs crying to the door to catch me and tell me she doesn't want me to leave.  And then never gets back to sleep.
     So a morning workout out of the house is not a good option right now.
     What about evening?  Forget the fact that I am exhausted by the end of the day.  Once the kids are in bed, I am ready to spend time with my husband and get things done I couldn't during the day.  And doesn't it cause sleep problems to work out late at night?  Also, see above garage door situation.
      All that to say, I still long to be in shape again and I miss the enjoyment and stress release that exercise provides.  I will keep trying to figure this one out since it is so important for me physically and mentally, and I want to be an example to my girls.  But right now, it's tough. Maybe I should just change "clipping the girls' fingernails" to my new workout goal, and then I'd be doing great!
How do you make working out work?

2010- How am I doing, so far?

I have a list of my goals for 2010 in my desk drawer.  You might call them resolutions, but I prefer goals. A few times, I have glanced back at this list that I wrote in January, and I usually shut the drawer quickly while shaking my head.  You see, I haven't done as much I as I wanted.  I have been quite busy this year, and I believe I am slowly changing some habits, but for the most part, I am not doing what is on the list.  Many of the things are surface-level, daily habit kind of things, but some of them really involve my heart if I am sincere in pursuing them.

Here are some examples of things I wanted to do better this year.

Exercise.  I had written a weekly schedule of physical activity that, honestly, is very manageable.
Bible Study - be more contemplative, meditate on verses, pray more through Scripture. Possibly use the Fighter Verse set that I have to memorize more Scripture.
Read/ Study - read every night before bed
Write - journal, blog, write reviews of what I read, write papers on what I am studying (because I am a nerd who thinks writing papers is fun.)
Food/Diet - have a plan for the week, move toward more whole foods.
Sabbath - make a true effort to rest, sit down. Have easy meals for that day.
School / Activities - begin to have a plan for crafts, activities and school for my girls.

As I look at this list, it is not far from the list I made in 2007 that I found in my desk drawer this afternoon:
Read
Write
Exercise
Cook at least 3 times a week
Plan menus
Connect with friends and neighbors on a regular basis

Is it sad to anyone else that I keep setting the same goals for myself (or similar ones) ?
Does that mean I am not really wanting to change?  I don't want to just give lip service to change while remaining in the same patterns of living.

Do you make lists of yearly goals?  Do your lists change much from year to year?  Are there habits you would like to change?  How is it going?  I'll write more soon to tell you more specifically how it's going with me.

The Guernsey Literary Society and Potato Peel Pie

Last night I finished reading The Guernsey Literary Society and Potato Peel Pie, by Mary Anne Shaffer and Annie Barrows and even though I am behind in my book reviews, I am going to try to get caught up somehow.

    A book like this reminds me of how much I enjoy good fiction. Set mostly on the island of Guernsey in the English Channel following the German's Occupation during World War II, the story opened up a brand new world for me.  I didn't know about the Channel islands at all, much less the German occupation of them.  It seems that we will never finish discovering the horrors of that war and the utter disregard for human life that pervaded the Nazi regime.  And while this book does describe many of these crimes, it still manages to lift the reader up, rather than press one in the mire of despair.
    While the story takes place in this dark time, it is really about what bibliophiles want to read:
            friendship and books
             and how friendship enhances books
               and books bring friends together.
     The authors have taken a difficult age and depicted the survival of a group of people through their literary society. The best part about the Society is that it never mattered what book you read to share with the group.  It only mattered that you came.  Maybe you read and shared whatever you wished, and maybe you just listened.  But all were welcome.   The meetings only began the relationships, they weren't the end.  The members came together as family through the worst of the war and through their journey back to normalcy again having seen the tests of one another's characters in trial.
     The book is written in an epistolary style, letters written between and about the characters.  This is such an effective way to offer different points of view without an omniscient narrator, and I easily fell into the rhythm of the communication after a couple of letters.
    (I wrote a short story in the epistolary style in graduate school.  While my professor told me I was brave to try it, it was a pretty lousy story on the whole.)
    This book was a fun read. With characters that are easy to root for, it was witty, engaging, slightly predictable, but in that comfortably familiar kind of way.  I would read it again.

    I know it has been wildly popular and on best-seller lists, and while I don't read lots of best-sellers, this one was fun.  If you've read it, I'd love to know what you think, too!

Interesting Reading about the Economy?

  My husband is very interested in finance, the economy and the market, and he reads extensively on these topics.  Occasionally, he will read a book and say, "You should really read this book.  I think you would really find it useful and a pretty fun read."  My usual response is something like, "Mm...hmm. Ok.  Sounds great."  I usually have MANY more books in my queue to be read before something about financial things would make it to the top of my list.  (Which is funny since I used to have a stockbroker's license.  Yes, my attention is other places now!)  But, a few weeks ago, I found out that one of the major topics at a conference I was attending would be economics.  Not wanting to feel completely in the dark about the topic, I asked my husband for a reading suggestion, and he gave me How the Economy Grows and Why it Crashes by Peter Schiff.

No, kidding, this book was really EASY! And INTERESTING!  For starters, it is filled with cartoons.  Oh, yes, it is!.  I can relate to some cartoons! Then, it is the story of the economy of a people told in allegory.  

      In the beginning, three people are on an island where fish is the only food.  They can live on one fish per day, but it takes an entire day to catch one fish.  Until, one day, one person decides to take a risk, and go without food for a day and build a net to catch more fish.  Then he has the choice to loan out his net or loan a fish so that the other men could also build nets.  

     As the allegory builds, Schiff creates a credit system on the island, develops island infrastructure, and businesses on the island besides catching fish, a banking system, and foreign trade with other islands.  Through the description of the economic development of this island, I learned about the American creation of a fiat currency, our dependence on foreign funds to support our way of life, and even the recent housing, credit, and banking crises.

      Schiff even uses silly fish-related names to stand for real people who have shaped our economy.  For example: Ben Barnacle is Schiff's allegorical character for the real-life fed chairman, Ben Bernanke.

    If all-things-financial intimidate you, but you would like to start understanding more, I would really recommend this as an easy place to start!

How to get in the Word as a Busy Mom OR Why I Love my iPod

I am writing this blog to myself most of the time, and this time is no different. I need reminders. I need encouragement. I need to remember the things that are true that I can't seem to keep in my head for more than a few minutes. My mind and heart are so filled with the busy-ness of life, the questions from my four-year old, the noise, the crying, the questions, the to-do list, and more questions. I have a hard time staying focused on even a few things.

Here are just a few thoughts that I would always like to have at the front of my mind at all times:

I am deeply, deeply loved. Lamentations 3:22

God, Himself, rejoices over me, His child. Zephaniah 3:17

I have everything I need for life and godliness. 2 Peter 1:3

I am never left alone. Hebrews 13:5 and Matthew 28:20

Ok, I could go on. There are just too many things to remember!!! And I have to make dinner! And clean the bathrooms! And get someone to stop crying! And clean the kitchen for the thousandth time today! And take my children out to play, and come up with a fun craft to do at home, and, and, and.....

But, as I have written here before, I NEED to be in the Word. I can't remember all of this, and when I forget, it shows. It shows in how I treat my husband. It shows when I lose my patience with my children (and I mean REALLY lose my patience.) It shows when I grumble about where I am in life and what I have and who I am.

When I forget that I am so very loved, I am not very loving. When I forget how Christ humbled Himself to serve me, I am more concerned with being right than showing compassion. When I forget that I am never alone, I am liable to fall into self-pity.

The problem is I am in a stage of life where I am the stay-at-home mom of two small children. This is not a short stage, God willing. I am busy ALL THE TIME. I work 24 hours a day. Every day of the week. I don't sleep in, and I am not geared to go to bed early (but I am working on that!)

So, the question is: How do I find time for reading the Bible? If it is so important, how do I get in the Word?

This is not a small question, and unfortunately, all I have are small answers. But here are just a few suggestions:

1. I have to MAKE time. Ok, I can't really fabricate time, but I know that I always have time for the things that really, really matter. If I wonder what is truly important to me, I can always look at where I spend my time. ( I hate you, Facebook.)

So, if I truly believe that time in the Word is important, then I have to MAKE MYSELF sit down and read it. My tasks will still be there later. (Hooray!)

2. Biblegateway.com. I really love this site. It is great for word searches, for looking up that verse that I can only remember a few words, and for lots of ways to study. It also has bible reading plans. A bible reading plan is a schedule of readings to help you read the entire Bible in one year (for example.) So, what I have done is subscribe to this bible reading plan in my Google reader. There. The Word delivered, to me, every day, in manageable chunks. (Confession: I don't always read it there everyday, but this may be an idea that works better for someone else, so I am sharing it.)

BUT HERE IS THE BIGGEST SOLUTION FOR ME:

3. I love my iPod. It has revolutionized my life. Let me explain. During nap time or after bed time or any alone time in the car, I can listen to my iPod. Here is what I have:

The Listener's Bible read by Max McLean: it is the full Bible read by a wonderful narrator. Sounds boring? Actually, hearing it out loud has been really helpful. I can hear the flow of thought in the Epistles and follow the history much better, for example. And, it's the Bible, and God promises to use it when we hear it.

I also love to hear the Word preached. My favorite sermons are from John Piper, and hundreds and hundreds are available free at desiringgod.org. In the sermons, I get to hear the Bible and hear it explained so that it connects to my life. When I was preparing to teach over the last few years, I would listen to 8 to 12 sermons on the passage we were studying and take notes. My church's sermons are also available here. I'm sure there are loads more, this is just what I do.

The beauty of the ipod is that I can be listening to stuff like this while I'm cleaning the bathrooms or folding laundry. Back when I exercised sometimes, I could listen to a sermon while on the elliptical. Today, I listened to 15 chapters of the book of John while weeding in my yard. It is awesome! My mind isn't doing anything more important than this during those times, so I might as well fill it with good things! Plus, I feel so productive, and that soothes my soul too!

(I have LOTS and LOTS of music on there, too, but I just find this so much more satisfying when I get the chance to listen to something by myself.)

I don't get in the Bible everyday. I try. I want to. But I am full of excuses, too. But, as a mom, I can't afford NOT to do everything I can to get even a few nuggets of truth in my life. Because that IS Life.

Do you have any suggestions to add?

The Mission of Motherhood

I just finished reading The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson. I must say that this book could not have come at a better time for me. Clarkson is both challenging and encouraging in this book about the responsibility and privilege it is to be a full-time Mom. The loudest voices in our culture downplay the importance of motherhood, and usually, women who choose to stay at home with their children are ridiculed, assumed to be incapable of another career choice, and marginalized from the sphere of influence in our society. Clarkson wants to elevate the vocation of motherhood as created by God and show that a mother is the most influential voice in any person's life (along with father). She is not saying that all women must stay home, but she asks: Why can't full-time motherhood be a part of the discussion? Why can't it be a career choice with the same validity as anything else?

Even though I have a terrific mom, it wasn't until the summer I spent in Fort Collins, Colorado with Athletes in Action that I was struck by the awesome power of a mother in the life of her children. At the end of each week of camp, the athletes had an opportunity to share in front of the group. I heard some incredible stories of brokenness, redemption, confession, and hope. But each and every person, for some reason, told about his or her mother and how she had influenced them for good or for bad. They didn't have to share anything, and they certainly weren't told to get up and talk about their moms. But that is how important the role of Mother is - when the deepest parts of your heart are touched, that formative relationship is recalled. That is where I saw for the first time how deeply the role of Mother can shape a person.

Clarkson describes motherhood to show how God designed the role of Mother - moms are His idea. She suggests that He means for it to carry all of the responsibility of, not just making sure children are dressed, fed and not a public nuisance, but of also caring for the eternal souls that He entrusts to us so that they are directed toward Him. She believes that women will be held accountable for stewarding those souls when we are before God. I am so encouraged reading about the noble calling that motherhood is.

I found her challenging things like my belief that I have a "right" to have a grumpy attitude. Clarkson describes how Mom's attitude sets the tone for the children and can make them feel guilty and insecure, or loved and safe. Hmmmm... I wonder which way the scale tips in my house....

At the same time, Clarkson is clear that a mom who is not connected to the Lord will struggle. We depend on His power, grace, mercy, and wisdom every day. If we are not pursuing Him ourselves, how can we teach our children to pursue Him? And, that, after all, is the central goal of motherhood anyway - pointing our children to Jesus.

The problem with books like this that give people advice about raising a family or keeping a house, or just about anything, is that, no matter what the author says, he or she is going to come across as having all the answers and none of the problems. This is true in this book, too. Even though Clarkson says she has made her share of mistakes, that she is not perfect, and that her kids aren't perfect, I still feel like her family has it all together. Some of her points seem heavy handed at times, and perhaps hyper-spiritualized. But I know it has taken her years to learn the lessons she is sharing, and I would say I have much to learn from her wisdom.

I will probably be revisiting this book often (I already have, in fact) to refresh myself with the truth of the privilege and responsibility of motherhood. This job is not for the faint at heart. Most days I feel entirely ill-equipped and ill-suited for this job. But, Clarkson reminds me that God chose me for this job when He gave me children. He chose me for my children and my children for me. He asks a lot from Moms, but He gives us all we need to fulfill this calling. May I move forward in this job by faith for the glory of God.

A Sweet Rose

My dear Grandmama went home to Jesus two weeks ago. She was a beautiful rose of a Southern woman. I can still hear her laugh and her voice with her Southern accent speaking words of kindness and joy. She has been sick since February, and it is such a mercy that her pain was not very long. We should all be so blessed to die so quickly - enough time to say goodbye, but not to linger.

She was ready. As soon as she was diagnosed, she told me that she had lived a life full of love, and she knew that her family and friends would be with her to the end. What a fantastic response! This attitude never seemed to leave her. Even at the last, when she was tormented by pain and weariness, she called out to Jesus to rescue her, never succumbing to despair.

How do you face horrible illness with such grace and not bitterness? How do you cling to the good in the middle of the horrible? How do you look to your own death with confidence and not fear?

I submit, that like most things, you get out what you put in. Galatians 6:7 puts it this way: "Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows."

If you fill your heart with Jesus when you are well and life is good, then when you are sick, He is already there to be your comfort. Then He will be what comes out of you. "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." (Matthew 12:34). When your hope is in Christ, that is where you will go when you need strength and comfort. When your treasure is in Christ, you do not fear leaving this life, because you know with certainty that Paul is right:

Philippians 1:20-13

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. 21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;

Contrary-wise, if you fill you mind with self-help techniques or pessimism, then that is what you will reap: negativity, a grumbling spirit, and ingratitude. And the self-help doesn't work (as if it ever did) when your mind and body are being attacked with disease. When you can't manufacture kindness anymore, you can't pretend anymore, what you have stored in your heart will take over.

In Robertson McQuilkin's book A Promise Kept, he writes a poem inspired by his wife's battle with Alzheimer's disease called "Let Me Get Home before Dark." Here is the last stanza:

But will I reach the gate

in lingering pain, body distorted, grotesque?

Or will it be a mind

wandering untethered among light fantasies or

grim terrors?

Of your grace, Father, I humbly ask...

Let me get home before dark.

I like McQuilikin's plea for grace and his deep desire to finish well. He wants to finish this life by faith and not with sin ravaging his thoughts, words, and actions, mocking the faith he has lived. And since God is the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), he has every confidence that this prayer will be answered. I think this should be a prayer for all of us.

So, what will you store in your heart?

I'll tell you what you should invest in that will never disappoint.

Jesus.

How does He get in your heart?

Through his revealed Word, the way He has chosen to best reveal Himself to us. Read it. Pray about it. Talk about with others. Find good teaching on it. Then read it some more.

The time I had to say goodbye to my grandmother at the end was very brief. We did get to pray together, and express our confidence in the victory of Jesus over the pain she was in, and ultimately over death. It was a sweet time that I will never forget.

That night, I read this:

"Death is an enemy. It’s true that we saints will temporarily succumb to it until Jesus returns. But we won’t make peace with death. Its days are numbered. Jesus removed its sting. On our way to be with him, we kick death in its toothless mouth. We only surrender to Jesus."

-Jon Bloom

I like that it doesn't sugar coat death or make it sound soft. But it also doesn't give it victory or even power. It feels, to us, like death is the end, and it feels like death wins, and it feels like it is where we might find peace, and it feels like something we "surrender" to. But that is not true. Death is the battle in the war already won by Christ. The war is ultimately won already, but the battle still goes on for us as individuals and as families. Death is not where we find peace. Jesus is our peace. Hold on to what is TRUE.

My sweet Grandmama knew what was true. And she knows it even better now.

When Sinners Say "I Do"

At the recommendation from some friends, I recently read When Sinners Say "I Do": Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage by Dave Harvey.

The summary position of the book is that the biggest problem in your marriage is sin - and most importantly, your sin. Harvey says that before you can really work on the relational issues, you first have to admit you are a sinner, a big one. His thesis reminds me of something I heard in college, and that is:

How you think about God,

affects everything...

about everything.

It sounds at first like an overstatement, but the longer I live the more this rings true. Even if you don't think God is connected to some areas of your life and consequently, don't think about Him, even that has an effect. Harvey connects with this thought by saying, "Your theology governs your entire life, and it determines how you live in your marriage" (21). And since God invented marriage, and it is a reflection of His union with His church (Ephesians 5:31-32), then He really, really cares about marriage.

What I appreciated the most about the book, was how his points about the marriage relationship, are very applicable to any relationship. When Harvey reminds me that the biggest barrier to communication in my marriage is my own sin, I also realize that the biggest barrier to communication to my daughter is my own sin. It is very easy to point the finger at another person and treat them in direct and indirect ways as though he or she is the biggest sinner. But Harvey reminds us of 1 Timothy 1:15:

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst."

To be specific on how this relates to me in ways other than my marriage: Evangeline is not a bigger sinner than I am, but since I am the wise and all-knowing parent, sometimes I treat her like that. If I take an honest look at myself, however, I will see that I am the biggest sinner in the house. Harvey asks each person in the relationship to fully own his or her sin, grasp how ugly and dark it is, and taste the sweetness of Christ in spite of our filth.

I found the first half of the book to be an easy-to-follow description of the role of sin in relationship, it's origin, and it's cure. He calls us to mercy toward our spouses. He describes forgiveness and the complicated nature of it. He calls for careful, humble rebuke as we help our spouse attack the sin in his life. Illustrating the necessity of this work, he says, "If we avoid confrontation, we'll just get confrontation anyway, because sin unaddressed is sin unconfined" (127). This is a good reminder to me who likes to avoid, avoid, and avoid. All of these things are true and apply to how I relate to my daughter as well as my husband. (Can you tell which relationship is more challenging me to me right now? Even those whom I love with all my heart are subject to the sin in my heart {Luke 6:45} and therefore our relationship is not perfect.)

My favorite section of the book was the chapter on grace. I felt like this was one of the most understandable chapters on this subject I can remember reading. Harvey means to show how grace works in your spouse, but I found great comfort in hearing that this grace is working in me, too. I was reminded of Galatians 3:3, that if I was saved by grace, I am also growing in that very same grace, not by my pitiful efforts. Sometimes I feel so defeated that I forget the power of the Holy Spirit. But Harvey says, "Titus 2:12 reminds us that spiritual growth is inevitable, not because we are great students, but because grace is an exceptional teacher. That's how grace works. It's the coach who won't quit, the teacher who never clocks out. Grace is persistent to enable us to run the race" (140). How wonderful that I am not left alone now!

My favorite point may be this: that grace gives us the power to wait. Harvey says, "one of the core things we do as believers seeking to glorify God, is simply to wait. Our marriages play out in a historical waiting room between Jesus' first coming and his final return" (143). Even more:

"Grace interacts with time and eternity. Sanctifying grace settles our souls so that here in this waiting room we can both work and wait, trusting that God is exercising his perfect will, even in those areas where we wait, and wait, and wait. As persistent sanctifying grace works in our marriages to make us more like Christ, we wait for Christ. He is as glorified in our patient waiting as he is in our diligent working" (144).

So that means that I don't have to be all fixed right this minute. And the sin I see in others, especially my children and my husband, don't have to be fixed right this minute. I can wait. I can wait. I can trust God that His grace will work and is working, whether I can see the changes in myself or not.

Harvey then gives very specific ways to be a conduit of God's grace to your husband, and I would add, also to yourself and your children. It is a terrific list of how to encourage and celebrate the changes you do see, and point your spouse back to Jesus when we lose focus. I found this chapter healing to my little soul who is so apt to forget the gospel.

Overall, I found the book easy to read, full not of revolutionary thought, but excellent reminders of the challenges of sin in relationship and of the power of God to triumph over that sin. May we all seek to glorify God in our marriage relationship.

Thoughts on Reading

Often I feel sad that I don’t read as much as I used to. I figure that I am in a stage of life right now that doesn’t lend itself to lots of time to immerse myself in a book, and this stage won’t last forever. And that’s true. VERY true.

But as I was lamenting the absence of books in my life last year, Kirk pointed out to me that I really have been reading more than I think I am. He asked me to list all of the books that I had read that year. Last year I read twelve or thirteen books. What? I had no idea. So I was really encouraged to see that while I don’t spend the hours a week that I used to in reading, and the books are not always ones that I would pick up for fun, reading is happening.

My goal is to spend a little more time processing what I read, and for me, that happens best when I write about it. I am planning to write “book reviews” and post them as I go. Maybe you’d like to join me?

In 2010, so far I have read:

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth

When Sinners Say “I Do” by Dave Harvey

If I plan to read at least one book per month, you can see that I had better get going!

With Evangeline, I have read:

Mrs. Piggle Wiggle by Betty MacDonald

Mrs. Piggle Wiggle’s Farm

Mrs. Piggle Wiggle’s Magic

Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Engals Wilder

Little House on the Prairie

Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White

I am currently reading:

Praying the Word of God

The Case for Classical Christian Education

Jesus, Keep me Near the Cross

On the Banks of Plum Creek

Stay tuned for posts about some of these 2010 books. Yes, I know you are breathless with anticipation. Thank you for humoring me!

Last year, 2009, I read:

the no cry sleep solution for toddlers and preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley

the no cry sleep solution (twice)- Elizabeth Pantley

When Crickets Cry by Charles Martin

The Help by Elizabeth Stockett

Story of a Girl by Sara Zarr

Prodigal God by Tim Keller (twice)

More than half of the Reformed Expository Commentary on Hebrews by Richard D. Phillips

Don’t Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman

Hoping for Something Better by Nanci Guthrie

Desperate Households by Kathy A. Peel

Come Thou Long Expected Jesus edited by Nanci Guthrie

When You Rise Up by R.C. Sproul Jr.

The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler

baby name books

What to Expect When You’re Expecting/ What to Expect the First Year (as needed)

Joshua (Kathleen Nielson’s bible study)

I would love to write down my thoughts on last year's books, but in case I never get to it (the most likely scenario), if you would like to know my thoughts on any of them, please ask me!

What have you been reading?

Sweet Baby Days

My little Kyrie is 9 months old. She has her first little tooth. She crawls by doing a worm-like motion for now, but it gets her where she wants to be. She loves to eat, especially cereal, and pears. Her favorite part of the meal is the end when I hand her the spoon. The look on her face is absolute glee. She loves to hold it, chew on it, wave it, bang it, drop it. Her friend the spoon. She just started pulling up, and she thinks she is the cat's pajamas standing up by the coffee table banging a toy against the top. But her greatest excitement comes from watching Evangeline. She loves to see Evangeline do anything, and she is elated every time Evangeline comes to kiss, hug or tickle her. I am really excited about the friendship that my girls will share in the coming years.

However, I am not ready for those coming years to come just yet. I want Kyrie to stay a baby. Forever. Well, I'm sure not forever, but I want to soak her up all day and everyday, since these sweet baby moments are going by so quickly. I LOVE these baby days!

Yes, I wish I could sleep through the night. Yes, it is really really frustrating when she cries and cries and cries and cries. and cries. Yes, her pediatrician has already told me she has an "intense personality." Yes, it is confining to make sure I am home to see that she gets her nap. And she's just so needy, ...like, like, a little baby.

But... now I know what is ahead.

A two year old.

and then a three year old.

Tantrums, rebellion, potty training, talking back, begging, negotiating. More tantrums. Shiver.

And right now, my sweet little baby is not a party to any of this. She is still my sweet little baby. She smiles and grins, and gets really, really excited to see me. And I don't want to miss a single minute. I feel almost panicked about how fleeting these minutes are, and there is a sense of desparation to hold on to each and every sweet baby second. I don't mind getting up at night, because I get to just sit and hold her and soak her up, ...almost absorb her as if that would slow down time that is moving her from being a baby to a little girl.

I've always been sentimental about growing up, even my own growing up. I never really wanted to grow up, and I'm not totally excited about my girls growing up. I never knew what I would be or even had a vision for what my life would look like as a grown up. Whenever I thought about my future as a child, it always felt like a big mystery, blank, and uncertain.

I am completely crazy about this little baby, though. I love to hold her close. When I am just sitting with her in my arms, I feel like I am really "me", the complete, best, me. Like I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing just by being her mama. I love her for that. It seems to be a fleeting feeling, that feeling of belonging, and of really walking in the works prepared for me beforehand. But my little baby knows who I am and what I am supposed to be better than I do.

Lord, please help me be the best imperfect mama I can be for my girls. Help me be what they need and who You want me to be for them. Thank you for your mercy when I am not that mom. Let me live inside that mercy forever, even when my little girls grow up. For while your mercies are new every morning, and little girls will grow up, You are the same, yesterday, today, and forever.