Weariness

Weariness.

I feel weary. I very often feel this way. I have been thinking about this word in particular for a few months, particularly as I try to understand and raise my three year old daughter. As her personality finds new expression, I am struggling to relate and to find joy in the parts I don't understand.

So, I am weary. I am weary of tantrums. I am weary of repeating myself. I am weary of explaining consequences over and over and over. I am weary of extreme emotional outbursts that seem to have no source. I am weary of feeling like the bad guy. I am weary physically - just plain tired. I am weary of teaching and making lessons out of circumstances and consequences, but seeing no change, not even a little.
And it gets worse.
I am weary of feeling this frustrated with someone who has only been on earth for three years. I am weary of losing my temper, continuing to model bad behavior. I am weary of being weary with someone I love more than I could possibly explain. I am weary of all of the yuck that comes out of me when I am frustrated. I am weary of seeing no change in myself either. I am weary of me. I wish I could unzip my skin and crawl out and be someone else.
What do I do? Where do I go in my weariness? How can I find relief for this feeling before I have let these precious minutes with my beautiful girl pass me by?
And I am not the only one. My weariness is so small compared to others. My friend with pancreatic cancer I am sure feels weary of the daily reality of sickness and pain. My friend who practically raises her children alone because of the financial need for her husband to work out of town for weeks at a time. Several of my friends who long to have a baby and have grown weary of waiting for God to say "yes." Anyone with a sick child may be weary of bad reports, bills, and little hope of a "normal" future with her baby. The weariness goes on.

What is the truth about weariness?
Let's look at a few places where God speaks about this feeling.

Psalm 119:28 My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.

The psalmist knew weariness too, but he offers a place of refuge, a place to find strength - the Word of the Lord. He gives us an example to follow. He seeks the Lord and he ASKS for this refuge, for renewed strength. We need to ask. Also, we see the source of this strength is the Word, so let us see what else the Word can do to help us in this state.

Isaiah 40:28-31
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Wow. Now here is something I can use! Isaiah says that the Lord does not experience weariness. His patience, endurance, and forbearance can never run out. He is that big. That means He has the power to help me in my weariness - His strength is endless.

What does He do for the weary? He gives strength to them (v.29)! And that's what I need! He does not chastise me for feeling this way, but He empowers me NOT to feel this way by giving me His strength to handle my struggle.

Is the Lord surprised that we feel this way? No, He knows that even young people wear out. Our resources are finite, and He knows it. His resources are limitless. So, what do we do then? We can't hide, we can't restore ourselves when we are spent, and there is no mention of pulling up our own bootstraps. Where is our hope? It's not in ourselves.
If our hope is in the Lord, then we will recover from weariness and be strengthened again for the battle. He takes care of us. He doesn't say that He will remove us from situations that cause us to be weary. He does say that He will equip us for meeting the demands of the situation. Can you imagine soaring over your struggle? Running through the storm without collapsing? We may grow weary, but we don't have to stay there.

Hope in the LORD.

Jeremiah 31:25

I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.

More promises from God to be our relief. This state of weariness is not permanent.

Matthew 11:28-30
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Here are the words of our Savior on this topic. Again, no surprise at our feeling, no condemnation. Just an invitation. And what an invitation - to come to Him and He will provide rest! Isn't that what I want? Rest from my daily struggles, rest from my own broken-down heart? Jesus promises to share, even exchange the burden with us. He takes our burden, our weariness, and truly, our sin, in exchange for His light, easy righteousness. It's not a fair trade. In fact it is quite costly for Him since it cost Him His life, but it is the only way we could partake in the riches of His yoke.

Hebrews 12:3
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Here we see some of the "why" of Christ's suffering. On top of the need to be made right before God by exchanging our sin for Christ's righteousness, Christ's suffering serves us even more than that. His suffering throughout His life and especially in His death was also for the very purpose of helping us in our weariness. When we focus on Him and the cost He endured, we should be encouraged and emboldened to keep going. Sometimes I think that is all He is asking of us - that we would just keep going, keep it in the road for one more day, and just believe. Because of His perseverance and how He saw His job through to completion, we should find strength to keep going too.

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Last, we are encouraged by Paul to keep going as well. He is explaining the principle of sowing and reaping. When we think of this in agrarian terms, we know that 1.) we reap what we sow 2.) we never reap at the same time as we sow 3.) we reap something that is more that what we have sown.
I find this very encouraging for my perseverance. Even though I want to see even just incremental change in myself or in my daughter, some sign of progress, Paul reminds me to keep sowing. Keep sowing and do not grow weary, because the harvest will come later, "at the proper time."

So, how does all of this help me when I feel weary?
I know that when I am placing my hope in the Lord, and not on myself or anything else, then He will provide me the strength to keep going.
I know that Christ has done all that is necessary to bring me to Himself and give me rest, taking my burden of sin and given me His record instead. He welcomes me to come and rest, not come and work and fix it by myself. I don't have to stay in my weariness.
I know that I can keep going, by His Spirit, remembering how He did not fail to persevere in His mission to rescue me.
And I know that when I persevere, He will be faithful to the end.